By Jeffrey B. Aronson

Land Rover events can prove very passionate affairs; for anyone reading this who attended the Mid-Atlantic Rally in Virginia last October, I don’t have to note this for you. Enthusiasts can become a little, ahem, focused, on their cars and their driving. At the British Invasion [see the article elsewhere in this issue], several Land Rover enthusiasts enjoyed the conviviality of each other and some Old Specked Hen when a large gentlemen walked into the bar. He joined our conversation and ingestion.

While he owned several British classics, he had arrived at the event in a new-retro Ford Thunderbird convertible; oh, well, at least his car shared the same corporate parent as Land Rover. We swapped stories of off roading, repair techniques and the like for nearly 30 minutes when he mentioned he should return to his wife. He had left her in the top down car outside the hotel, on a chilly Vermont night. Or to put it another way, he had forgotten and abandoned her for a half hour while he swapped stories of British cars with other enthusiasts. He left quickly to repair the matrimonial damage. We sat back, offered a toast to his efforts, and knew, deep down, there but for the grace of you-know-who, go we.

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Land Rover once promoted itself as “The World’s Most Versatile Vehicle.” In its Series guise, the Land Rover could serve as a people transport, a utility carrier, a tractor hauling farm supplies, harvests or trailers, a mobile power station [through use of the PTO options, even a motorized comealong. The latest Range Rovers and LR3’s limit versatility somewhat, but they certainly combine extraordinary off road capability with amazing highway and roadway drivability. Before I could leave for the British Invasion in Stowe, VT, this fall, my ’66 Series II-A had to demonstrate its own versatility.

The morning before the trip, I arranged to purchase gear oil from the bucket at the local garage. When I arrived, I found the mechanic fuming because a customer had left a dead Volkswagen camper on the downhill slope of his parking lot. How to get it into the service bay? Not a problem – two old tires acted as cushions for the QE I, in low range, to gently push the VW into the garage. Then I tackled my car. $3.75 later, I had checked and topped up each of the hypoid carriers in the car: transmission, transfer case, swivel balls, front and rear axles, overdrive, and steering box.

Then, after bartending that night, I came across two fishermen pushing a Ford pickup onto a side road. I asked one if he needed help. “Nope,” he yelled. The less inebriated one cried “Yes!!!” I pulled over towards them; the odor of stale beer and burning clutch plate filling the atmosphere. Yes, they had burned out the clutch. I offered to tow it to their house. When I got out my Proline tow strap and shackle, one man started to tie it to his truck. With conviction, I put an end to that nonsense and hooked up the vehicles properly. I prayed that the more sober one would turn out to be the driver of the stricken truck; except for a few bloopers around corners, we made it to their home without incident.

Tired yet satisfied, I returned home ready for a long sleep. Late that night, instead of the sounds of the ocean lapping on the shore, I listened to the loud whine of spinning tires, a revving engine and noisy instructions to “Jump on the back.” So I got dressed and walked down the dirt lane towards the neighbor’s house. There I found a Saab convertible immobilized in a mudhole. One fisherman jumped on the rear bumper, urging others to join him so the car would gain traction. I watched this for a moment, reminded everyone that Saab’s have front wheel drive, and suggested they rethink transferring weight to the rear. Meanwhile, the driver continued to ineffectively spin his front wheels.

I asked everyone to stop, walked home and got the QE I. An Australian visitor watched me drive up in the Rover and said, “You didn’t say you had one of these. Of course we’ll get out! I used to have a Series III.” Even in the dark, I could see that the Saab rested on its front subframe; no wonder the front wheels were spinning freely in the mud. I hooked up the tow strap to my pintle hook, crawled underneath the front of the Saab, found the A-frame, and using a shackle, readied the strap for the pull. I urged the driver to remember that his car would shoot out of its ruts and to keep his wheels facing forward. In first gear, low range, the Rover surged forward, slowed momentarily as the strap stretched, and then yanked out the Saab.

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With Christmas coming up you may be composing your list to Santa Claus. Naturally, your gift selection will include your Land Rover. You may hear complaints from spouses or significant others concerning the alleged cost of Land Rover parts and accessories. Allow me to offer the following. Last year, my Hunter Wellington boots finally shook off the patches I had glued to the remaining rubber. The soles had also worn to the nubbins. To my horror, I discovered that old trusty L.L. Bean had dropped the line. I couldn’t fine Hunter Boots at specialty stores or horse shops. Then one day I saw a student walking down a hallway with an equestrian catalogue in her hand. When I asked if she knew where Hunters might be purchased, she gave me her “Duh, helloooo” look and showed me the page in her catalogue featuring Hunters. I called the firm, Dover Saddlery, in Littleton, MA, and discovered they had a pair of my size in stock. A very charming young woman took my order and they became my Christmas present from me to me last year.

Since then, I’ve received an endless stream of catalogues from this fine company (which is probably well known to those of you of an equestrian bent). My experience with horses has been limited to mucking out their stables, feeding and watering them and taking them out to pasture. I had no idea you could fill 254 densely-packed pages with thousands of options for outfitting a horse and rider. A zipper bag to stow a bale of hay costs $57.90; there are six from which to choose. Bridles run up to $250. Curbs, pelhams and kimberwickes – whatever they are – each cost the same as a case of motor oil. I had no idea that a saddle could cost $4,200. A glance at the Rovers North Vehicles For Sale lists 8 different Range Rovers and 1 Discovery, all for under $4,200 asking prince. Negotiate a bit and you could get 3 of the advertised Range Rovers for $4,200. Kitchen outfitters, boating suppliers and computer companies are but three more examples of how to spend significant funds on items other than Land Rovers. Knowledge is power – arm yourself with information like this when carving out your Land Rover’s portion of the communal accounts.

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If I were Santa Claus, I’d recommend you consider a high lift jack. Whether the Hi-Lift or Jackall brand, you’ll be well served to have one in your Rover. This farm implement can extract you from difficult situations. Say, for example, that you jumped into a ’66 Series II-A after a blizzard. In front of you a town plow had deposited a huge drift that blocked your desired route. You walked over the drift, which felt very hard packed, and saw nothing on the other side that would damage your Rover as you crested the drift. You weigh 160 lbs; your Rover weighs approximately 3,200 lbs.; not surprisingly, it sinks to its frame halfway up the drift. That’s when your high lift jack can elevate the front and rear wheels so you can stick some brush underneath and back down, sheepishly.

On one of my first off road ventures in southern Maine, I found myself mired to the frame in muddy ruts left by a group of Broncos that ran ahead of me. Jacking up the rear of the car [which is the lightest], I raised the Rover enough to clear the wheel from the rut. I pushed the jack over to one side as I stepped back smartly. The car angled off to its left, out of the frame hugging rut. After checking out obstacles under the car, I did the same in the front. Now I was clear and able to proceed. Similarly, if you have bogged down in mud or sand and have no electric winch, your high lift, a tree strop or ground anchor, and a chain can serve as a comealong to hand winch your Rover. It will be a slow, grinding workout, but you will exit successfully.

As a general work tool, it’s unbeatable. When a neighbor needed to repair the stone foundation under a fisherman’s shorefront workshop, my high lift enabled us to raise the building’s corner sufficiently to place a proper bottle jack in place and begin the restoration. When I needed to lift the end of an impossibly heavy log onto the back of my Rover, the high lift and a strap accomplished what my back could not do alone. When a roadside accident sheared the front wheels off a pickup, the local garage brought its flatbed to remove it from the ditch. When we tried to dump it off the truck it became stuck in holes in the bed; my high lift jack raised it enough so it would slide down and off the truck.

High lifts achieve remarkable results, but you’re dealing with potentially thousands of pounds of force. The potential for serious injury is genuine; use them with care. They’re also heavy and come fully equipped with built in rattles; either clips or mounting points from Rovers North are valuable accessories. Extended height jacks and extra-large bases for really muddy work are also useful additions. So, too, is the Rovers North high lift bag I treated myself to this holiday. Zip the jack into the back and bingo, no more rattle!
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Cars.com ran a piece identifying the Top 10 Innovations of the past 30 years. Their list included:
Antilock brakes
Smart air bags
Key fobs
Fold flat rear seats
Electronic stability control
DVD players
Heated and cooled seating
Tilt/telescoping steering wheels and adjustable pedals
Navigation systems
Hybrid drivetrains

This is a disheartening list because the technology cited aims to make up for our increasing shortcomings as drivers. Antilock brakes free you from the self-discipline necessary learn how to pump brakes effectively – just jam on them as hard as you can. Smart air bags do protect you in the event of an accident, but what have you done as a driver to avoid getting into an accident.

Key fobs make your life easier by setting off the horn and lights “when you lose your car in the MegaMart parking lot.” Maybe you shouldn’t own such an anonymous car. Don’t you find yourself startled when a car suddenly beeps and flashes its lights as you walk by, just because some owner couldn’t be bothered to think about their daily chores? Some key fobs can be programmed to remember how you align your seat and mirrors. Give me a break – is it too much work to re-adjust your seat and mirrors when you enter the car?

Fold flat rear seats are only an innovation because automakers forgot how to do it when they stopped making station wagons in the early 1980’s. Virtually all the hatchbacks of that decade enjoyed fold flat seats –what’s the big deal? Heck, 40 years ago Martin Waller created the Dormobile out of the 109” Station Wagon; their seats not only folded flat but became beds.

Electronic stability control makes acknowledges that “sometimes we drove beyond our, or our car’s capabilities. Well, who was ultimately responsible? You, as the driver. We should be capable of learning to drive enthusiastically, yet safely and responsibly. DVD players in cars are an open admission that some drivers and passengers transport themselves by automobile solely to get from point A to point B; the article claims that “if you have to ask [why], you must not have kids.” It’s also a confession that we’ve created some of the most boring interstates and sprawled byways in the world. Oh, and it’s clear that some adults simply do not want to talk with children, and vice-versa.

Adjustable steering wheels and pedals have been around in some cars for a long time; if you had a spanner, you could adjust the steering wheel distance on your Rover 2000 and your Triumph Stag. Early TVR’s, among other cars, had adjustable pedals. The requirement for airbags has upped the ante on additional adjustments of seats, steering wheels and pedals, but of course, you could also choose another car that fit you better.

Navigation systems “act as a co-pilot, telling you where to go and recalibrating themselves if you miss a turn.” They replace paper maps, family members, a spouse or significant other, which previously served as your co-pilot. Of course, these very systems can fail. A street or topographical map might be altered but the basic information will always be in front of you – with or without electricity. Hybrid drivetrains, such as the Honda Insight or the Toyota Prius, are intriguing new technologies, but they’re certainly hard to recharge or repair in the veldt.

We’re certainly wasting a lot of engineering talent creating palliatives for our worst qualities instead of transformative technology. Free the engineers and designers for more significant systems.
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Memo to Ford: you’ve just hired on Alan M. Mulally, a long time Boeing executive, as your new president. William Clay Ford has handed over the reigns to a man who made substantial changes in the production of airplanes, so much so that Boeing has taken a vast lead over rival Airbus.

Mr. Mulally’s first statement to the press, as quoted in several publications, included the memorable line, “I can’t wait to become a car guy.” As automotive enthusiasts, we were kind of hoping that you’d be a car guy already. If you need some advice, you have several hundred working for you at Land Rover, Aston Martin and Jaguar. Here’s a toast to all of them for a very happy holiday season!

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